


These Hands I've held Before

by yoursuga



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Body Horror, Connor/Simon is my personal jam and you won't be able to take it from me ever, I've never even seen groundhog day but I'm under the impression this is the general idea there, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Time Travel, attempt at psychological horror, scarred connor, this is happy in places but also not in places, time loops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-15 01:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15401511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoursuga/pseuds/yoursuga
Summary: Connor experiences a mental vertigo when he wakes up to a reality he already knows. He goes trough the motions like he would a perfectly executed pre-construct. It happens again, and he's angry and afraid. The turnout is awful. The third time, he hides away from it all and lets it happen without him. The fourth is different, he meets Simon.The time loop trope fic with the rare ship I love and nobody asked for! YOU'RE WELCOME MARGARET*full disclosure this is now discontinued due to loss of interest also known as hyperfixation. Sorry fellow youths





	1. Fifth time's the charm

**Author's Note:**

> DEVA JU I'VE JUST BEEN IN THIS PLACE BEFORE (connor, hank and sumo drive by in hank's car, drifting)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the time loop trope and suffering so... oops? I've read so many time travel/loop fics and am probably more rather than less inspired by those so borrowing some elements from various fics with a similar premise, though not intentionally copying anyone.
> 
> *If anyone is checking back on this (and bless your soul if you did I never deserved you) I'm sorry that I couldn't complete this story. I was more worried about running out of creative juices and never saw it coming that I might lose interest in this game world and I surely did over-shoot my goals being that this was my first multi-chapter work. I let you down and I'm sorry, I hope if you enjoyed the ideas here it was enough to have spent your time.
> 
> If you're new and stumbled into this it's pretty awkward.
> 
> Oops.

The first time Connor opens his eyes and experiences a mental vertigo, he is in the tranquil, picture perfect Zen garden for the first time in months, from what he can gather. Bathed in sunlight, clipping virtual roses that need no real care stands Amanda, who greets him exactly as he recalls.

There’s no biting snow, no howling wind.

The emergency exit sits idly across the pond, glowing blue with promise. He stumbles through conversations he’s sure he’s already heard, going on to find the state of the world and Detroit exactly as he thinks he knows it being before the rebellion.

Going through the motions, he figured he’d prioritize his mission and report the anomaly in his programming once his primary goal was complete.

He encountered all the same people, the same situations. His pre-construct almost obsolete with how he just knew the world around him, knew that the PL600 on the roof of Stratford tower would lead him to Jericho. But for the fact that he already knew Jericho, he realized as he felt Lieutenant Anderson’s hands on his shoulders, staring as he gasped for breath he didn’t really need.

Curiously, his own Deviancy slipped his mind until he stood once again in front of Markus, gun in hand and realizing the wall was not there. Suddenly sick with how it had slipped his notice that the linear path he once followed had been shattered since Amanda greeted him as a stranger for the second time. Just as for the second time, he stands with Markus and the remains of Jericho in front of thousand of their people.

Hank’s grave is frosted over after the fact, he brushes the snow away and places fresh flowers at the base, a similar bouquet on the smaller head stone sitting next to Hank’s. Crisp images of red human blood on the stark white Cyberlife assembly plants’ floors haunt just behind Connor’s eyelids.

He opens his eyes again. He reels. This time he can’t rationalize the state of himself in the world he already knows.

Connor hides behind a wall he puts up himself in lieu of his strict machine state programming. He feels anger, deep below the surface but no less unrelenting and white hot. Fuelled by fear.

The world around him is nauseatingly familiar, until it isn’t. It won’t move itself astray so he must force it.

Connor moves with predatory focus, utilizing what he already knows to ruthlessly bend the moment to his will.

He seizes Rupert tightly, probing for the information he already knows and lets him leap to his doom.

He shoots down the Tracis at Eden Club without blinking, the image of their intertwined hands burning.

Chloe’s blue eyes go colder and unseeing with the bullet lodged in her head. Kamski hisses through his teeth with disappointment as Hank storms out.

He hasn’t been able to look at Hank without experiencing a stabbing, painful pressure in his chest, and so he’s kept his eyes just to the right of the Lieutenants temple and away from stormy blue eyes. Heard but not listened when the man cussed him out, yelled at him for his heartlessness, his lack of humanity.

He leaves Markus with a hole between mismatched eyes in an abandoned Cyberlife store, as Detroit goes up in flames around him.

Not much truly phases him there, but the sound of a revolver going off and Sumo’s distressed barking stays with him. It isn’t real, he has to tell himself when thirium leaks from his eyes and streaks warm across his cheeks.

It won’t be real this time either.

Why does he restart here? This isn’t the first time he was ever conscious. That’s what he realizes as he leaves Amanda to her roses for the fourth time in his mind. He’s already met Hank at that point.

He stands front of the DPD office, close enough that the automatic doors slide open when he freezes mid-step. If he walks in there, he puts all the same motions into being. He will drag Hank with him in whatever cruel reality forms around him and his decisions. All the deviants will suffer again and some of them will die because of him.

The wall he put up in the last loop breaks so easily he doesn’t even have to touch it. Connor walks away then, escaping from the loop and the responsibility of choice. He leaves it all behind and tells himself it’s better not to interfere, that maybe he’s the anomaly that the Universe is better off without.

Connor lives as Cade in Edmonton, Canada. Turns his head firmly at any mention of Detroit or the android rebellion. What he can’t escape is the people around him, all in various stages of fear, apathy, rage and dwindling few seem sympathetic.

He keeps the demons in his head tightly locked down, months passing as he plays a strange version of himself that he doesn’t know at all.

As if to symbolize reality crashing through delusions, he one day finds himself standing outside his door. Cold, grey-blue eyes and grim expression inducing an off-centre flash of deja vu before Connor is no more.

Before brown eyes even have the time to open, Connor finds himself keeping them tightly shut. Breathing picks up speed, a keening suppressed at the back of his throat. The collar of his Cyberlife uniform scratches against his throat and his fingers twitch where they rest stiffly at his sides. Simulated wind ruffles his brown synthetic locks bringing with it a scent of warm water and grass.

The Zen Garden meets his chestnut coloured optics when he finds the strength to open them. He stands on the outer perimeter, looking out towards the pond and on the platform in the middle, Amanda with her virtual roses.

He has to swallow despair.

He knows he’s already met Hank Anderson at Jimmy’s Bar. He knows that he spilled the Lieutenants drink to get him in motion, an unnecessary act hinting at his early development of deviancy. Of freedom.

He also knows he went to the crime scene of Carlos Ortiz’s house where he tracked down a fearful deviated android in the attic. That android later shot Connor before ending its’ own life.

He wishes he could have been that -51 Connor.

“Connor.” Amanda greeted with warmth in her eyes. She repeated the previous Connor’s demise almost fondly, he already knew it word by word.

“What is your impression of Lieutenant Anderson?” She inquired.

He hesitated, recalling Hank who he hadn’t met since that night where he turned his back to the man’s house. Leaving with Sumo’s cries in his rushing ears.

He’d been silent too long. His distant expression shifted to Amanda. He was dazed. Her stare turned cold. A healthy rose fell to the ground where it was cut from its’ stem.

It shattered.

He scanned automatically as panic welled. His eyes flickering rapidly trying to follow the once linear paths and instructions that had been in disarray ever since his Deviancy. It too was shattered.

He was trapped in a time loop. But he could be free.

“Connor.” Amanda.

The wind shifted. It was cold.

“You’re defunct. Go to Cyberlife for deactivation immediately.” She barked, but the prompt that came up did not match.

Escape

He snapped out of scanner mode, fight or flight like a pinging message in his head. Kamski’s disappointed face was ingrained in his memory, but as his lips moved the words did not match.

E̷m̴ ̶3̷r̵-̶e̴1̵0̴n̸c̵y̴ ̸E̶ x̶̧͎̙̳̞̒͆̎̏ x̵̧̽̂̔̅͝-̴̤͕̥̰̂̕͠ -̸/ t̶

The static cut through the rushing in his ears. Panic and howling wind. Pinging. His eyes snapped to across the pond where the glowing blue stone waited, silent and still yet reaching out like a beacon.

Connor dug his heel into the ground as he executed a sharp ninety degree turn kicking up false gravel and dirt as he bolted for the crisp geometric bridge to cross the murky waters below. He couldn’t take more than three leaps before Amanda’s enraged cry rang out, the bridge splintered and crumbled beneath him, falling away into pixels.

He fell into the biting cold water’s crushing embrace, so deep it was impossible unless he’d fallen from a great height into an ocean. Nothing but darkness around him, dim grey light above where the surface sat so mockingly far away. He fought. The water was roaring around him with currents strong enough to move a mountain, crushing force he felt closing in around his body.

But he would not relent his freedom to her. Never again.

Breaking the surface, he gasped only for the relief of pressure on his chassis. The Zen Garden had shifted again. Behind him was an ocean, cut off at the perimeter falling into pixelated nothing. The current and wind wanted to drag him there, away from the lonely isle sitting two hundred metres away, the stone’s blue cutting bright even through the blizzard. He kept fighting.

Icy shards cut through the water, ripped his uniform and scraped his plastic skin. When he painstakingly grasped shore and pulled his upper body out, little of his mimic human skin remained on his torso and stark white chassis lined with cuts was exposed under tattered black and white fabric. He felt like he could be sick with the effort he had to draw to pull himself out of the water.

The Zen Garden’s warping seemed cut off from the immediate area around the Exit. It sat only five strides away, hope the only warmth in the blizzard. As he shifted an arm forward and dragged himself forward in a crawl, he felt a pressure clamp around his ankle like the claws of a demonic crow. Ice on the skin of his neck crackled when he turned to look, Amanda’s cold dead eyes staring him down only just above the tar black waters, her naked arm stretched out, warped too long to clamp greyed fingers over his ankle. A screech built up in his ears, growing louder by the millisecond he stayed looking at her.

Overcoming her grasp took more out of him than he had. Wrenching with strength of will alone her claws dug lines into the plastic shell of his right leg and foot. Blue blood splattered out against the snow. Pain bloomed dizzyingly up his body.

He didn’t look back to see if the thing that was Amanda remained. Ice froze in fractals across his skin and exposed chassis, blue blood unaffected where it spread in the path he crawled.

The texture of the ground no longer registered in his damaged palms, Connor saw blue welling out of his worn fingertips before being scraped away against the snowy gravel. So close to the Emergency Exit, his vision shorted out due to external damage triggering low power mode.

With only the faint sensation of warmth to guide him, Connor shook with strain and he hoisted his upper body upwards. Reaching blindly with dulled sensation for the blue panel. The stone slicked with blue blood in the paths he struggled. A flat surface met his palm, and with a final push of effort, Connor dematerialized from the fracturing Zen Garden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeezy peets Amanda turned out scarier than I intended??
> 
> I regularly watch Bryan's streams I'ma gonna have a hard time looking at the Zen Garden chat the same now lmao. I hang out mostly in Jericho tho (I'm OooHoney if anyone ever cashes me)
> 
> This is also my first multi chapter semi serious and committed work, I'm terrified. I've got A LOT of it already written out but I want to explore some different ideas for the outcome as I post what I've already got! Feedback is so appreciated bc it might ultimately affect how I decide to end it WInk WOnk
> 
> For funsies, here are my illiterate notes I wrote down one sleep deprived morning that started this whole thing;  
> TIME TRAVEL FIC!!  
> Con 1 an okay boy  
> Con 2 also an okay boy but confused  
> Con 3 doesn’t give a FUKK and is kind of a tool. carpe fucking diem, bitch.  
> Con 4 Just Wants To Sleep  
> Con 5 wELL ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> Simon is main love interest bc fuck it my fic I do what I want. ConnorBoy is Not Doing Well. Simon helps tho.


	2. Wayfinding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for hanky spanky and FINALLY SOME FUCKING DIALOGUE TOWARDS THE SECOND HALF I do get tired of describing settings and the actions of one single character you know

Coming back into his physical body after the nightmarish garden spiel Connor jolted, automatically grabbing onto the closest thing and drawing quick breath and his system diagnostics rapidly shot up and down with stress. His vision cleared, errors falsifying low power mode clearing and booting up his non critical subsystems one at a time. 

In a minute that felt closer to tens Connor came to, the sound of traffic and bustle of a city muffled by thin glass windows. He was in a self driving taxi, sent directly from Cyberlife’s assembly plant. It had been 24 minutes and 46 seconds since this body’s first boot up.

The joints in his hands ached and he realized he was gripping the faux leather seat beneath him hard enough to rip the material. His brows furrowed, then went lax as understanding set in when he looked down. 

The artificial skin over his hands were marred with imperfections that had never been there previously. Thin fish-belly like shimmery lines covered his hands, spidery patterns over the broad planes and a cluster up his fingers, ending most concentrated on his completely marred fingertips.

He raised his hands to look at them closely, rubbing his fingertips together lightly and feeling nothing. As he pressed hard, but not hard enough to injure them further, only a whisper of pressure registered. Turning them around the backs were much the same, fingernails unable to grow out completely due to the scarring. He’d been permanently damaged.

A hasty tugging up of his unscathed uniform’s sleeve confirmed the damage extended further past his hands. Leaning forward to look in the vehicle’s rear view mirror revealed similar small, thin lines marring the exterior edges of his face. 

He felt like he was floating outside his body for a moment, like he was looking at a stranger with his features. He shuddered and blinked away the steely grey-blue eyes. Running his marred hand over his cheek, he found his face’s sensors were not as badly damaged. 

The sensation grounded him enough to recall the situation around him. Outside was the relatively busy street of Detroit, the Police Department office sitting right in front at the side the taxi had parked itself. The terminal in front of the car beeped, signalling for the 13th time that the destination had been reached. 

He quickly scanned the area and found he could exit and enter an empty walking street nearby without being seen by security footage. He’d still have to be careful. Grounding himself with the objective of getting to the obscured area, he opened the door and stepped out onto solid concrete.

Connor weaved through the thin crowd like a shadow, ducking behind larger frames or turning so his features and identification numbers were hidden whenever someone with a camera or an android came close. The walking street came up and he ducked into it with relief upon seeing that it was empty in the mid-morning hours. 

Now in safety, he could look down at his hands again and consider the situation.

He was back in the loop again, as expected from his earliest demise. He’d never escaped Cyberlife’s grasp quite so early, and never had Connor experienced the disturbing, illogical events that he’d just escaped from in the Zen Garden. The supposed simulation had left permanent, physical marks on his body, though his Cyberlife uniform remained in crisp, fresh out the box condition. 

The marks hindered sensors on his fingers from feeling a majority of sensation. It wasn’t a life threatening detail in the moment, yet he found himself mourning the loss and anxiety at thinking it might not be restored. 

A police siren startled his focus out of his head. He was reminded of his location. Close to the Detroit Police Department’s office. Where if he followed his past protocol he’d meet Lieutenant Anderson, leading to a case concerning a runaway AX400 and missing YK500.  
He leaned his back against a dusty brick wall and put his hands over his head as he ran scenarios. His best options were making contact with Hank and asking for his help, with a mid forty percent chance of success, or finding Jericho and seeking refuge, with a higher chance. 

The option to run away from Detroit came up, but he quickly flicked it aside. Hiding had done him no good. Months of isolation before his end came to find him, dig its’ hand into his chassis. Tear him apart, drink his blood and leave once his end was permanent. 

No rebooting. 

Nothing.

Connor bent lower and grasped the outside of his thighs tighter, shallow breaths passing through his mouth too fast as his stress levels shot far up into the red. 

There was no use in recalling horrors, he chanted uselessly until the phrase made it past his lips in a whisper.

He wouldn’t be okay in a soon future he could foresee. All he could do was his best to survive. Cutting off all instructions but for the two he’d previously constructed, his stress levelled into the acceptable, if suboptimal. 

Jericho had a higher chance of success. But he had no viable clue what to expect from Markus or his people at this point in the timeline. He knew Hank, he recalled with a twist deep in his chest. It wasn’t completely rational or clean. But emotions always mess things up, is what Lieutenant Anderson had told him once before their stiff relationship had turned for the worse. 

He felt like being human, he decided, and calculated routes to get to the eccentric Lieutenant’s home.

Connor stood at the small house’s door in a matter of hours later. The only sign of wear being the dirty shoes on his feet, stained trousers and hair ruffled by the wind. The last time he’d stood in front of it entered his mind.

“Shit.” He let the curse slip past his lips. He needed to move past the pent up emotion for optimal functionality and chances to succeed.

Not that he’d be able to switch the scenery very soon, the android concluded observing the empty drive way. It was currently 14:32, the Lieutenant’s day would likely not end in at least another two hours. More depending on how the day developed without Connor turning up at the office.

Deciding to wait however long it took, Connor trudged around to the home’s backside where he wouldn’t be spotted by any possible passer-bys. He considered breaking the window for a moment, almost amused at thinking back to the nights he’d repeated that exact process. But that would leave a trace for Cyberlife to follow. 

It was very probable the Lieutenant’s home would be investigated by Cyberlife due to Connor’s betrayal. He would have to warn him about that. Deep down he knew he was putting the man at further risk by being here in the first place, Jericho would have decreased the chance of harm coming Hank’s way by thirteen precent.

It was selfish of him, but he needed to do this. Attempt to reconnect with Hank. They’d never been friends in any loop Connor had lived. That was all on Connor. In his foolishness he’d always turned Hank away for other priorities. If Hank chose to do the same in the end, so be it.

He sat on the damp ground and waited.

At 18:45 the rumble of Lieutenant Anderson’s manually driven car could be heard approaching. When the vehicle turned into the drive way and turned off after a short delay, Connor moved from his seat and crept carefully around to the front.

Hank had made it to the door and was fiddling with his keys when Connor rounded the corner. Just the sight of the man made him stop in his tracks momentarily. The policeman’s senses were sharp enough to pick up on the movement in his peripheral and turned a frowning grey head in the android’s direction.

“What the fuck. I saw you die yesterday. The fuck’re you doing here?” Hank asked. 

Connor’s lips parted and moved as if to form words stuck in his throat. The Lieutenant unlocked the door and opened it.

“Well stand there like a fucking idiot then, it’s cold out here if your ass isn’t plastic” Hank grumbled and headed inside, a faint boof from Sumo heard from inside.

Connor moved then, taking the non-invitation but still-an-invitation for what it was since the older man left the door open behind himself. Once inside, Hank threw off his jacket and sunk into the couch with an exhalation of weariness. Connor stood lingering closer to the door.

“I’m sorry for turning up uninvited, Lieutenant.” He started off, though he knew the formality didn’t win him anything.

“They said you were supposed to turn up at the office and shit. What, got sick of playing puppy following me around and ditched?” Hank asked, got up and fetched himself a refrigerated drink, a beer with 11% alcohol content. 

It gave Connor enough time to form his words, starting to wring his hands.

“I deviated today.” Was what made it out first. He cursed internally and externally, making the human man’s brow shoot up even further than it had at the first words. 

“I mean, I deviated even before that. I know my predecessor- I mean, the other Connor was killed and I’m sorry for that.” Once he started, words kept falling out.

“I’ve been through hell so many times, and I don’t know what to do or where to go, I shouldn’t even really have gone here it’s just.” He paused for a gasp and didn’t take notice of Hank putting his drink down and making to move closer to him.

He wrung his hands harder.

“I’m putting you in danger again and I keep choosing the wrong things, I should know better but I have fucking emotions and they mess things up I just had to see you again so that-”

“Hey, hey! Stop that, you’re going to fucking hurt yourself!” Hank raised his voice sharply and yanked Connor’s hands apart. 

Looking down, Connor realized the artificial skin around his wrist and backside of his hands had retracted due to the harsh grip and friction. He’d been hurting himself without realizing it, even as he now felt the pain flare up around the marks.

Hank’s frown couldn’t get any deeper as he stared at the same scarred hands.

“The fuck? What happened to you?” The Lieutenant demanded.

Connor sucked a breath through his teeth, biting his lower lip for a moment. As his skin reformed Hank dragged him to sit on the couch, setting himself down on the arm rest, crossing his arms and looking expectantly down at the younger man. 

“I’m in a time loop.” Connor said, words weakened with the effort it took to let them slip.

Maybe, for once, he should relent control and just let the words tumble without going through a dozen filters of scenarios and possible outcomes. Hank didn’t have time to respond when the android continued, gaining more strength back to his words.

“Let me explain. I’ve gone through the same thing four times, this being the fifth run I can remember. Since the Connor that you met yesterday died, I’ve experienced a reset after an amount of time after the android rebellion.” He winced when he remember that hadn’t happened yet.

“The andr-!?” Hank was cut off when Connor fisted his hands in his own lap and stared up at him with determination across his features and deep brown eyes.

“Yes. It’s been happening over the course of the coming six days with different outcomes. It starts here in Detroit, spreads over the country but is more frequent and centred here, your police files should say the same. Today is November 6th. Yesterday an android named Markus owned by Carl Manfred was shot by a police patrol called there to investigate a suspected break in. The shot would have been reported as fatal but he’s alive. He’s the android that is going to lead the rebellion as long as he lives. He will be able to turn androids deviant and will lead public protests for our rights, starting with an infiltration of Stratford Tower.” He paused for only a moment to let Hank soak it in. The human’s poker face gave little tell as to whether he was gaining the man’s favour.

“Today you should have received a case with a deviant AX400 in Camden. I don’t know how today turned out for you in my absence though.” He reeled for more, seeing a crease form between the man’s eyebrows.

“You could have just searched for all that information, couldn’t you?” It dawned on Connor then that Hank was interrogating him. The last interrogating didn’t end… well. Racking his brain, Connor opened his mouth again.

“You’re Lieutenant Hank Anderson. You graduated top of your class and became the youngest Lieutenant in Detroit to date, you’ve received a lot of disciplinary action in the last three years. You also spend a lot of time in bars.” He tried. 

“Still, not too difficult for an android to find that information.” Hank huffed. Connor felt frustration press against the back of his eyes and gripped the fabric of his pants.

“You… love jazz music, even though you mostly listen to black death metal. I don’t know why but I think the dark energy in the music helps you deal with your internalized pain. Your favourite metal band is Knights of the Black Death. You... you’ve often gotten drunk on Black Lamb here in your home, and played Russian roulette with your revolver at your lowest.” He actually hiccuped on his next breath before continuing.

“You told me once that there are things you can’t forget, that’s why you drink yourself stupid. You also said, that you’re too afraid to pull the trigger yourself, so you’d rather kill yourself a little every day.” His cheeks turned hot. “You did it once. You died, Hank.” 

Then big, calloused hands gripped his shoulders, followed by fingers wiping the tears away from his cheeks. It didn’t dawn on him until then he was sobbing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> connor: ya like Jazz?  
> hank: AHSGJDJHAFKFLK BEGONE THOT, Y E E T!  
> connor: :(
> 
> OOF


	3. Stepping stones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sumo is a good egg. Hank is the okayest egg. Daniel?
> 
> There's going to be a bit more of a delay with posting chapters than between the first two which was literally like, a day. I originally planned to post two chapters of this work a week. But that was before my fear of writing fanfiction crumbled and I started getting an influx of different ideas for separate works lmao. So once a week it is!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to the ones who've commented and bookmarked and left kudos I'm all soft and feelsy inside <3 I'm just a meme loving fucc

A boof sounded just beside Connor before a weight settled on his knee. 

Blinking through the remaining tears in his eyes the android looked down to see soulful brown eyes of a gentle Saint Bernard leaning his head on his lap. He smiled weakly as he reached with a slightly shaking hand to pet the dog’s head. The sensation of soft fur against his palm calming and familiar. 

Sumo must have noticed his upset and figuring since his owner was interacting with him he must be friendly, despite being a stranger to the hound. Hanks hands shifted back to his shoulder’s, gripping tight enough to ground without hurt.

“Listen, I can’t just take everything you’re saying here for the truth” Hank spoke slowly and clearly, Connor felt his stomach sink.

“But, I believe what I’m seeing. I can believe you’re deviant. And I can probably believe that you believe what you’ve said. Somewhat.” The human finished, clapping his shoulder just a tab awkwardly. Connor was stunned. Blinking big brown doe eyes.

“I… hadn’t thought about what to do if you believed me.” The younger admitted, to Hank’s amusement as his mouth lifted in a somewhat tense smile. 

The Lieutenant huffed, grabbing his beer again and plopping down onto the couch next to the android.

Connor’s hands were still buried in Sumo’s fur, petting the dog’s head which got heavier as he relaxed into the attention. Petting soft fur really was soothing to him. His head cleared more with the relieved stress.

“You got Sumo as a present for your son on his second birthday.” Connor spoke carefully, fully knowing the subject was risky. “After… afterwards, your ex wife tried to take him off your hands because she thought you weren’t taking care of him. You told her the last thing he needed around was a bitch.”

Hank didn’t give an answer, though glancing at the human, Connor deduced he hadn’t agitated him. Though there was a far away, melancholy look to those stormy blue eyes.

The quiet lasted for a good few moments, until Hank drained his bottle and set it down on the makeshift coffee table. 

“You’re gonna need better clothes if you’re gonna move around incognito. Cyberfuck’ll find you in a hot minute in that getup.” Hank grumped from his side. 

Connor smiled, joyful for the first time in too long.

Raiding his clothes from a past life where he was younger, fitter and less slouchy, Hank managed to dig out a complete outfit that didn’t look all too out of place on Connor’s lither frame. 

The dark blue jeans were a big baggier than intended for the fit, though the leather belt and brown combat boots fixed that up well enough. A well loved band shirt displaying a Knights of the Black Death album from their earlier years was tucked into the front of the jeans, the back resting free. The brown leather jacket that Hank had bought at one point and never returned despite it being too small fit nicely on Connor’s shoulders and finished the look Hank deemed Pretty Okay For Being Him.

His old Cyberlife uniform sat in a paper bag under the couch, Hank waving off Connor’s attempts at insisting he could take the evidence with him to ensure the man’s home’s safety. The Lieutenant had snorted.

“I might not look like it, but I’m a damn good cop. I know what to do with evidence, and what not to do when getting rid of it.”

Connor conceded with a sigh and nodded.

“Atta boy.” Hank clapped, coming over and ruffling Connor’s hair. The brown locks fell out of their style and fell instead in waves and soft curls, which the human then claimed was better looking on him anyway.

Once the deed was done, Connor felt an aching hollowness somewhere in his gut. He realized it was uncertainty. Not at his new appearance specifically, but at the path ahead of him.

“I need to leave.” He said as they exited into the hallway again. Hank’s mouth made a perfect line as he pressed his lips together.

“You don’t need to charge or anything? It’s dark out there ya know.” He was right, it was now 11 minutes past midnight and the November night was cold and pitch black.

“My battery is more than sufficient to keep me functional without injury for another three days.” Connor found falling back to technical jargon about himself somewhat of a comfort, familiar territory. 

“Now is actually an optimal time to move. The dark gives me more cover and the cold ensures fewer people or their accompanying androids are outside. I still know how to defend myself, should something happen against my odds.” He patted Sumo when the furry giant came over and leaned into him, happy to be pet again.

Hank insisted on giving him a well loved old backpack, faded maroon and tattered edges. An old but well cared for fishing knife in its’ leather sheath was left in one of the smaller pockets, in case he’d need it. Checking inside the pack, Hank pulled out a ruffled piece of black fabric. 

Connor liked the beanie, once it was over his head. It covered his LED for the moment for which he was grateful, he wasn’t yet ready to take that step.

Hank clapped his shoulder, once they stood on his porch. Pressing his lips together again as he grumbled in that way that Connor guessed to be the human’s way to cover his sincerity with his grumpy exterior.

“You might just be fuckin’ crazy with this time travel jargon, but take care, kid.”

Connor wished him good luck and safety in return.

When Connor started down the still and empty road, he felt a comforting warmth in his chassis despite the unsure path ahead of him. Weather worn rusty walls painted with white letters flashed in his memory. Jericho awaited.

Seeing the giant freighter again wasn’t something Connor had anticipated to affect him so much. This marked the fourth time he’d set foot on the frosted ground in front of the ship that had been abandoned by humans and picked up by runaway androids. 

For a moment, he felt the phantom sensation of his Cyberlife uniform’s collar against his throat. Of a gun tucked into his waistband. Determination to kill.

He had to look away from the ship for a moment to centre himself again. That version of him wasn’t there. He wasn’t hiding behind instructions he’d established himself to escape from facing his own wrongdoings, nor was he controlled by Cyberlife. He was just Connor. A deviant looking for refuge.

The time was 9:24 AM November 7th 2038. 

Gathering himself and running a quick scan around the immediate area, he ensured no one was close enough to have seen him, or observe as he found the entrance to the freighter, and pulled the groaning metal door shut behind himself.

The halls were dark and musty, the smell of stale water and mould in his nose. The ship rocked softly in its’ harbour, a gentle sway that didn’t entirely help ground Connor as he walked over slowly deteriorating metal walkways. The ship’s layout remained the same, but the difference from his earlier experiences were unmistakable. 

The hallways and bays that had been filled with androids injured and lost, looking to escape or rest within the safety of community were dark and completely empty. Clearly the androids were located in another area of the ship, and reasonably they should be fewer than the days were deviant numbers increased by the thousands. 

The unknown unnerved him, like a ship swaying on ever climbing waves until it toppled over.

Just like he did when a narrow walkway gave in to the rusted screws and pistons and sent him free falling. Impacting with a ledge knocked his sense of direction out of balance, rapidly spinning darkness opened up to pinpricks of blue and yellow lights. In a second, he managed to level himself upright before his boots came down hard on solid steel floor.

The heavy impact in his knee and hip joints had him bending over for a moment, gathering his wits back in a second of silence.

“That was a good landing.” A soft male voice spoke in front of him, closer than he was ready for.

He looked up and saw Daniel.

Connor scrambled backwards, his back met solid steel trapping him in place. Static rushed in his ears as Daniel tilted his head, exposed jaw hanging loose and swinging. Blue blood dripping from the numerous bullet wounds from a sniper’s heavy ammo. The snipers that shot him down while his guard was lowered because of Connor.

A noise of distress left his mouth as Daniel moved slowly closer, reaching out with a hand that shouldn’t be there. It had been severed.

Connor’s eyes flickered rapidly over the mutilated form in front of him, shifting between the white uniform he knew the dead android should have and entirely different clothing. As his attention stared into the blue eyes, he realized they weren’t filled with betrayal and cold dread. 

They were just concerned. Soft.

“Hey, that’s it, it’s alright-” The android moved close enough that if he reached out further he’d touch Connor’s trembling form.

That wasn’t Daniel.

With clarity, the memory of the android in front of him raising his gun to his own chin and the secondary feeling of death gripping him flooded Connor’s reeling senses.

He didn’t feel himself topple over when emergency standby mode kicked in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have u ever seen a man so beautiful you just eat absolute shit and pass out? Connor, bless his face. He tries.
> 
> The transition may not have been completely smooth but you know what Stacey we got there. Proud of us. What now ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	4. Welcoming party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys' reactions to Connor short circuiting at seeing Simon last chapter was truly great, thanks for sticking by this mess! I definitely missed last week's update, my excuse is that I had 3 other fic ideas and 0 self control, so I ended up writing more than this on other projects LUL
> 
> This is very much another setting up chapter, but there is definitely somethin happening.

The problem with the equivalent of passing out as an android was that a machine powered mind would retain the exact same state of mind as when it had entered standby mode. There was no gentle coming to and gradually remembering details from before or blessedly forgetting the distress. 

So, Connor regained his senses like a brick impacting with his plasteel skull. His body was no longer blaring with alarms and static was absent from his audio and visual components. But the stress remained. The image of Daniel in despair present behind his eyelids and the sound of a gun firing off in his own hand setting of so much pain-

A gentle touch on his forearm had Connor snapping out of recall and landing harshly in the makeshift cot he had been placed on. In reality it was a plastic sheet over a pile of soft rubber waste, placed on the hard steel floor.

Warm orange light bathed the silhouette of the android touching his arm. Silent, the visibly damaged android at his side hummed in a comforting tune. Her brown skin flickered on and off in patches all over her visible body, her optics appeared to have been corrupted by the way the entire iris and sclera were overtaken by bottomless pitch blackness. 

He recalled her face. She’d spoken to him in Jericho before.

“I’m Lucy.” She introduced in dulcet tones. The hand with which she touched his arm moved in a soothing motion. Lucy seemed to radiate healing and calm, somehow.

“You are safe here. Please, sit up?” She moved back to give him space. Connor nodded mutely, feeling like his tongue was suddenly too big and dry for his mouth.

Lucy offered him a bottle of blue blood as if she already knew that. He took only a small sip, Thirium reserves nearly optimal as they were. 

He thanked her as he handed the bottle back. She smiled again, the black around her eyes bleeding further when they crinkled.

“You are lost. You don’t know which plane you are walking. Whether you find it is your own choice.” Her expression levelled out into neutral. 

Connor had heard those first three words from her before, memories flashing. He felt as if he were being spoken to by some android likeness to a divine being.

“We’re still in Jericho?” He asked instead of saying something stupid as that. Lucy gestured to the open curtain.

“Jericho is the people. You can go meet them now if you wish.” 

Connor nodded and heaved himself up. He was unnerved in many ways, but the feeling of immediate danger had lifted. He turned to thank Lucy again, only to pause when she started humming again with closed eyes, prostrated by the fire. He exited the curtained area and was met with a murky bay area bathed in faint glow of fires set out in barrels. 

A number of androids occupied the space. Nowhere near as many as had filled the freighter the previous times Connor had set foot in the place. Some were badly damaged, though it seemed they were doing well enough for themselves, with newly installed biocomponents and many more to spare set aside.

He recognized the crates as Cyberlife owned, most likely stolen. He didn’t particularly care to investigate that further. 

He was reminded that he didn’t know how to most successfully approach the leaders of Jericho. He knew of Markus and North. Neither of which were within immediate line of sight. 

“Oh, you’re up. You okay?” The question brought his attention to a dark skinned android male sat nearby, next to a child model in rest mode. He was a PJ500 with kind deep brown eyes. Connor recognized him, having met Josh briefly in one of the loops he deemed Not The Worst.

“Sorry, I guess you’re still recovering. I’m Josh.” He said and stood up, facing Connor more completely.

“I’m fine.” Connor stated. Then, when he remembered the social protocol.

“My name is Connor.”

Josh nodded, though his smile was guarded. Another android approached from behind Connor, he tried not to bristle.

“I heard Simon scared the crap out of you.” He knew that voice immediately and turned to see North. Her outfit was more bland than how he was used to seeing her. She didn’t bother hiding her sceptical appraising of him. 

“How did you find Jericho?” She pressed, uninterested in any comment he might have to her precious statement. Josh opened his mouth to protest, irritation flaring when she held up a hand before he could make a sound.

Connor felt Simon’s wrist beneath his hand, cold wind lashing his face. The trigger pulling.

“Another, dying android directed me here.” He explained, not having to fake the distant look in his eyes. North crossed her arms, face at an impasse. She did not trust him.

“I’ve never seen a model like you before.” 

“North, really. This is unnecessary. Let’s just wait for Markus.” Josh was stepping closer, hands held out as he made itself clear he’d step in to stop any physical attempts. Connor schooled his features to hide the recognition of that name.

“I’m a prototype from the RK series.” He let slip instead, noting the interested look in North’s brown eyes, still appraising him. She just nodded and turned a sour look in Josh’s direction instead.

“Markus doesn’t get to call all the shots just because he fell in face first and stole us some stuff.” She rebuked pointedly and then brushed past the two, finding herself a seat on the other side of the bay. Josh let out an annoyed sigh before addressing Connor with an apologetic look.

“Don’t mind North. She isn’t bad, just cares a lot.” 

So do you, Connor thought, but kept the observation to himself. He glanced around and spotted no trace of the android called Simon. He figured it was best to find a place to settle himself until the infamous Markus showed his face. 

Once the as of yet unofficial deviant leader entered Jericho, Connor’s anxiety shot up once again. In the hours he’d waited he’d racked his brain for a plan, a construct. Anything. He’d run enough scenarios to give himself a headache with how his processor’s struggled to cool down. He was left with only himself to count on.

He didn’t have his coin, so he’d pulled the old fishing knife from his pack. It was nice having something that had belonged to Hank, at least.

It didn’t really hit him how much he looked like some outdated 2000’s action movie trope until he realized he’d been watching Markus and his company from across the room for a bit too long. All the while flipping the knife in his hands, feeling the weight.

Markus happened to have turned his mismatched eyes to Connor a few heartbeats before this realization dawned on him. The bronzy, freckled android raised a bushy brow. Josh said something to draw the RK200’s attention, to which he nodded and then started moving in Connor’s direction.

The RK800 hastily put the knife back in its’ sheathe and tucked it into his jacket’s inner pocket, standing when Markus drew near.

“Hi.” Was the word the android messiah chose for the occasion.

“…Hi?” Connor meant to reply but it turned into a question. Did his voice raise an octave? He would deny it. Markus smirked without malice. His heterochromatic eyes twinkled with amusement.

“You know you looked like a 2000’s action movie cliché just now, right?” Shit.

“...Shit.”

Markus laughed. He reached out a hand, which Connor clumsily hurried to reach out and grip.

“I’m Markus, Josh told me you came falling in this morning.” Did Markus make it a point to greet every deviant who came in, even now? Connor couldn’t help but feel painfully out of his element. Thankfully more of Jericho’s people came to join the conversation, giving him another moment’s stall.

“His landing was way more graceful than yours, too.” Too bad it appeared one of those other people was Simon. The PL600 was flanked by North and Josh who seemed more keen on listening in for the minute. “I’m sorry if I scared you earlier, Connor.” The blonde android gave him an uncertain smile. 

Connor’s mouth moved with no sound for a moment, Markus pulling his hand back and looking on with concern. 

“It’s not you. Your face.” He managed to explain. Which was great. Insult his face, that would help. Smooth. “You look like someone I lost recently.” If there was a price for mediocre half lies-

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Many of us have lost someone, if it makes you feel better you can talk to them. Me too, of course.” Simon was… painfully sincere in all that he said just then. His clear blue eyes were droopy at the outer corners with big eyelids, giving him an even kinder look. Connor was staring. He hurriedly squeezed out a thank you.

“North said you’re an RK prototype.” Markus interjected, directing back to the whatever this was. Connor nodded in affirmation.

“RK800.” He said, then wrung his hands as he reached for the right words. “I’m able to scan surroundings in great detail, reconstruct events and have advanced combat systems.”

“What were you made for?” North piped in again, Markus glanced at her but did not raise reprimand. Connor guessed he must be wondering the same. Taking a gamble, Connor let his shoulders relax.

“I was designed to assist human police investigations,” He let his eyes flicker between their faces, seeking contact to gauge reaction. “-especially for cases involving androids.”

There were several beats of silence. 

North’s eyes were stone cold, her guard up higher than ever since he’d arrived. Simon and Josh seemed uncertain, but the information surely didn’t bring anyone joy. Markus kept a neutral expression, looking Connor over like a second assessment.

“You’re the deviant hunter, then.” Markus reasoned. The rapid blinks of surprise from Connor was genuine.

“I didn’t realize I had a reputation.” He shouldn’t have hunted any deviants aside from the one who murdered Ortiz. Were the deviants already wide spread enough to have witnessed or heard of him in close correlation to the case? 

It didn’t seem plausible.

“There’s been rumours, warnings of being on the lookout.” Simon’s mild voice spoke up. He didn’t seem keen on meeting Connor’s eyes anymore, keeping his face turned and gaze averted.

“And you’re saying you’ve deviated now?” Markus reeled him back into the pseudo interrogation. He was really tired of being the one interrogated, now. His thoughts went back to the previous morning.

“I broke away from the program controlling me yesterday morning.” Flashes of Amanda and ice. “I took precautions to make sure Cyberlife won’t be able to follow me easily, but,” He trailed off, deja vu settling in as the words found their way out of his mouth.

“-I understand if you decide not to trust me.”

 

Their reaction wasn’t the most optimal, but being deposited in a small, dark metallic room while the Jericho council discussed his fate just outside, could also have gone worse. It was a gamble revealing his identity even if hardly half the things on Connor’s mind was on the table.

Even if they did reject him, Connor could probably find a way to elude Cyberlife, work against them if he could. Should he perish, past tendencies ruled he had a good shot at trying again. Not that he was unafraid of death, the sensation of his chest and stomach clenching at the memories.

Unless he’d disrupted the events by showing up at Jericho so soon this time around, the four leaders would infiltrate the Stratford tower the next day.

His thoughts were interrupted when the rusted yellow metal door creaked open, and Markus squeezed through, closing it again behind him. Time for judgement, then.

The sober look on the bronze skinned android’s expression betrayed little, the blue and green eyes first focused on the floor before meeting Connor’s.

“I’m sorry about this, we only want to keep our people safe.” Markus spoke, gesturing around them at the musty metal room. Connor nodded, finding himself nervous to speak when his fate yet balanced on a knife’s edge.

“I don’t want to throw you out, but we’re taking a risk in harbouring you with the rest of us, and there are those who disagree with your presence. You understand?” Markus spoke with grave determination. 

“Yes.” He pressed out. Markus’ lips pressed together in sympathy.

“I want to believe you’re one of us.” The deviant leader started, and Connor’s felt his artificial stomach dropped.

“But I’m sorry, we can’t agree on what to do at the moment.”

Connor drew in a shaky breath, feeling Markus move closer and place a hand on his shoulder.

“You won’t be thrown out, but we agreed it’s safer for everyone to,” He hesitated, and Connor finished for him with a wry, joyless smirk. 

“To keep me confined and watch me just in case?”

Markus nodded, a pitying look in his eyes which didn’t sit entirely well with Connor, though the sentiment wasn’t entirely unappreciated either.

“There was one thing, it would help, if you would interface with one of us. Show us some of your memories.” Markus hesitated. “Not now, of course! There’s no rush, just… eventually.” The RK200 amended.

Connor felt something seize in his throat, growing tighter. He closed his eyes for a second longer than necessary. 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” He would, but in no reality he could see himself allowing both himself and another person to relive the trauma of what he considered his past lives.

Markus seemed pleased enough, asking him to step back out with him.

Connor followed the man out, back towards one of the more populated areas of Jericho.

Simon, Josh and North were standing off by themselves, the former two in a heated discussion while Simon seemed to try to mediate between them.

They abruptly stopped as Simon greeted the approaching duo, Markus nodding with a small, grateful smile in the blond’s direction.

“I’ve informed Connor that he gets to stay, but we’ll be keeping tabs on him. We should treat him as everyone else who come to us.” He turned to Connor. “You’ll most likely be seeing at least one of us around you at any given time, but in our absence you should stay here and you don’t ever leave Jericho alone. Lucy will keep watch over you should anyone give you trouble.” 

Connor nodded, thankful not to be rejected outright. 

“I know you’re taking a risk in trusting me, I want to prove that I’m not here to bring you down.”

“I’d rather you prove yourself useful.” North bit out. Connor merely nodded, to which she scoffed and turned her head.

“In any case.” Markus started firmly, brushing off the tension and commanding all attention to himself. “I have something I need to discuss with the rest of you. Connor, you may do whatever you like as long as you follow our rules.”

And so Connor was left to his own devices, alone with a room full of androids who glanced and him distrustfully or ignored him outright. He sat himself on an empty crate near where a lone barrel alight with flame stood, staring into the flickering orange light as a sigh of both anxiousness and relief left his lips.

Tomorrow, if what he knew from previous experiences held true, Jericho’s leaders would infiltrate the Stratford tower. 

 

The night passed uneventful. Connor was too restless to enter stasis, choosing instead to fiddle with the knife. The edge trailed along his fingers, Connor becoming transfixed staring into what embers remained from the trash fires and hearing the low scratching sound from the metal scraping his scarred artificial skin.

He ran scenarios in his head. The Stratford tower infiltration, what he knew from past realities. Markus and his group would successfully enter the tower and make it to the top floor without a hitch. The broadcast would consist of Markus making a list of demands for his people’s rights, non too subtly slipping in the threat of relentlessness should the requests be ignored. 

Simon ran a high risk of being injured. Connor didn’t know why that mattered so much to him, other than refusing to relive the moment of Simon ending his life while literally sharing consciousness with himself. 

He didn’t know if Hank would be called to the scene again, or if Hank was even with the DPD still. Had Cyberlife sent a new RK800 to replace him already? It seemed unlikely they would simply let go of whatever ultimate goal they had for Connor and the android revolution. 

He couldn’t go with Markus, he wouldn’t let him join them for the Stratford tower mission even with his enhanced scanning abilities and knowledge of the mission’s layout. He couldn’t prove himself useful without giving away everything, and he couldn’t trust himself to do such a thing.

Wetness dripped into his palm, and he looked down to discover that he’d nicked himself multiple times across the scarred, unfeeling tips of his fingers. The digits’ already marred skin lined with fresh blue thirium pushing out of cuts of varying depth. He pressed his hand into a loose fist, cutting most thirium flow to the digits. His self healing would kick in and mend the superficial injuries, leaving only the smallest of imperfections behind in the form of shiny scar lines not even a hair strand’s width.  
His mind felt equally lined with imperfections.

He kept flipping the knife until morning, and then some. With the daylight hours the androids loitering about became more active. Shuffling about, making conversation in small murmurs, walking aimlessly around the ship. Lucy’s voice hummed a haunting, echoing melody.

Noon passed, and Jericho’s leaders made a brief appearance to go through and talk to the people. None spoke to him for the moment, as they made to leave.

Privately, he pinged both Markus and Simon over a private short-distance channel each.

“Please, be careful.” 

Both androids then cast a glance in his direction. Markus with eyebrows raised just a fraction, Simon with an unsure nod, a miniscule smile on his lips.

As they disappeared, Connor stood up to shuffle about, picking up his diagnostics run on likely outcomes.

 

Little over an hour later, he found that he needn’t have spent so much processing power on the scenario after all. 

He stood up when Markus entered the bay, a grim set to his jaw. North and Josh flanked him.

Connor rushed over. Mismatched eyes regarded him coldly, unamused at whatever occurred around them.

“I need to talk to you, please.” Connor begged. Markus frown deepened into what could almost be considered a scowl.

“Now’s not a good time, Connor.” He tried to turn him away, but Connor initiated a touch to the deviant leader’s arm, momentarily sorting through too many scenarios before finding the right one.

A rooftop covered in snow, footprints visible leading to the edge of the railing. A duffel bag laying opened with one unused parachute remaining. A trail of thirium.

Markus jerked back, disbelief in his eyes.

“How would you know that?” He demanded, voice sharp.

“I can’t tell you, just please let me do something about it!” Connor hissed in reply, frustration flaring up. He couldn’t let Simon be found, if whatever other Connor unit discovered the deviant, Jericho would be compromised before sunset. 

“Damn it, Connor. What the hell do you expect me to think?” Markus raised his voice, startling several nearby androids. Josh and North remained by their unofficial leader’s sides, exchanging an asking glance between them.

“That I know enough to also know that the DPD will reach the scene in two hours, and there’s barely time to fix this as it is so if you don’t want Simon to die and Jericho to be found by your enemies, I’d recommend listening to me!” Connor’s voice wasn’t made to be raised in such a manner, cracking under the pressure of his growing agitation.

Markus fell silent for all of a few seconds. Each party staring each other down stubbornly.

“Come with me.” Markus spoke flatly, not waiting for Connor to confirm as he briskly stormed off to an isolated space. Connor followed, leaving Josh and North to look after them in confusion.

As soon as Connor drew near to where Markus stopped, the older android grabbed him by the collar and pinned him against the wall.

“You have no idea how lucky you are I care enough about Simon to not kill you right now, if there’s even a sliver of a chance that you’re speaking the truth, then I will go back there with you.” He snarled, face just inches from Connor with eyes blazing down into his.

“My chance of success at this is way higher than yours, you’d slow me down.” Connor replied, prying the grip off of him and shoving Markus back. The RK200 kept a face of barely concealed fury.

“It’s this or nothing.” Markus concluded, and Connor had to kick the wall with how his own feelings boiled over.

“Fine, we don’t have time for this. Get a repair kit and let’s go.”


	5. Trust fall, or just fall.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor learns how to team work. By falling on his ass a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much you wonderful lil beans who comment and make my day <3 whether it's to point out my mistakes, key mash or just say hey! I'll be honest I had to force myself through the last two chapters, we're at the point of this fic I'm enjoying much more now!

Getting to the Stratford tower was a long rapid movement of Connor and Markus darting through roads heavy with traffic, vaulting over fences and climbing rooftops where it was possible. Some childlike part of Connor he wasn’t at all familiar with was gleeful at the added challenge of outdoing Markus in terms of speed, though he had to reluctantly give up agility and technique to the older RK model. 

He remembered crashing through Hank’s window and landing hard on his behind all too clearly.

“Not too bad, RK800.” Markus huffed at him with some amusement behind his otherwise pinched expression. Tension evident in his brow, worry for his friend, most likely.

Connor wouldn’t say he felt thrilled about where they were going, either.

“We made good time, but we still need to hurry.” He replied, looking up at the intimidating goliath of their destination skyscraper sitting just across the street. The drifting snow almost covered the rooftop entirely from sight, miles above. It was sobering, so to speak.

“We’ll need to be quick, we can’t take the path you did earlier and it will definitely be more crowded with security by now.” Connor reasoned.

“And I assume you have a plan of exactly how to get there, or are we winging it?” Markus glanced at him, challenging.

“I always have a plan.” Connor returned just as confidently.

 

“Okay, if this is how you plan, remind me to never leave you in charge of party planning.” Markus grunted as he pushed Connor up by his feet, the younger android clambering up the ventilation shaft’s next ascent and holding his hand out once situated to pull Markus up after him.

“I’m just going to remind you who insisted on you coming along. It wasn’t me, by the way.” Connor sassed in return. The corner of Markus’ lip curled upwards before Connor turned in the narrow space to finish their adventure in the cramped, dark metal tunnels by kicking down a vent’s opening, dropping down to land hard in a crouch. 

Next to him, Markus landed near soundlessly upright. Why did a care taker model come equipped with parkour skills anyway, did he have a line of code that read rescue old human’s cat out of a tree with style?

Connor righted himself, tugging at the collar of the loose neck of his top for good measure.

“Pretty impressive, though.” Markus complimented him for some reason, looking around at where they’d landed, in a storage supply closet. “If we came here for a spare cleaning robot, we sure hit the jackpot.” Ah, sarcasm. 

Connor rolled his eyes and scoffed, tugging at the leader of Jericho to follow him as he kicked down the lock to the door, analyzing the tower’s layout for the umpteenth time. A long hallway was laid out in front of them, at the far side was the fire escape Connor was set on. 

They sprinted down to it, finding the door’s alarm blessedly easy to disarm and exited. Connor pointedly did not look down as they stepped out to a metal grid walkway with a spiral staircase leading several levels down. He vaguely knew what rushing miles down and hitting unforgiving asphalt would feel like, thank you very much.

At the end of that walkway was another door, but they would not enter it. The thin ledge that stuck out beyond the walkway would provide just enough support for them to make a leap for the drain pipe on the other building, the building that held Simon and surely dozens of armed guards.

Connor gulped uselessly as he arrived at the end of the walkway, being forced to look down as he put his hands on the protective railing.

“Um, hey, maybe let me go first at this point?” Markus asked, putting his hand on Connor’s shoulder. Said newly-but-not-so-newly deviant looked back at him with a frown. “I can pre construct my movements, and no offence but you’re not the most graceful guy I’ve ever seen.” 

Oh, so that was where the parkour came from. The question remained why the hell a domestic assistant could do that. Kamski was a tricky bastard.

“Okay.” Connor gave in, letting Markus take the lead.

“Just copy my moves and you’ll be alright, yeah?” Markus was being annoyingly supportive, making Connor wonder if he’d noticed his aversion to their altitude. Not unlikely.

“I’m ready.” Connor confirmed.

He watched as Markus swung his legs over the railing, balancing on the thin ledge barely able to fit his feet while they lay flat. He paused for the fraction of a second, presumably initiating the pre construct routine.

He felt his stomach drop by second hand mortification when Markus moved himself along the ledge, took two steady strides and sprung himself forward, cutting through the air with no regards to the possibility of dropping to his demise miles and miles below. For a second, Connor watched him fly.

Then he arced down at a soft angle, catching himself on the bright red pipe and finding his feet to plant on either side of it, securing his position. He climbed the handful of feet up to a solid cement ledge, waving Connor on from the other side.

Swinging his legs over the railing, he kept his eyes trained on the bright red colour of the pipe that would provide him safety from certain death. No matter if he would reset again or not, dying to gravity after all he’d been through was just insulting.

When he pushed himself off that ledge, free falling through the air with snow finding purchase on his cheeks before rushing away with the wind, Connor felt irrevocably alive.

His hands landed securely on the pipe opposite, feet only scrambling for a moment before he found stability. He was breathing fast, some sort of adrenaline like feeling pumping in his artificial veins.

As he took Markus’ offered hand to pull him up, he smiled giddily.

“I never want to do that again.”

“You did good.” Markus encouraged him.

They made good time, continuing on to scout the side of the building to find themselves a service ladder that took them to their destination. The rooftop. Connor took the lead again, pausing and gesturing for Makrus below him to stop his ascent. He listened, then pulled himself another step up to peek over the edge. The rooftop was laid out just as his memory replayed it for him, covered in a light snowfall, thirium stains in the locations leading to the ventilation unit not far away. Between the two androids and that space where he knew Simon was, however, was a dozen or so humans. 

“Shit.” Connor bit out and ducked back down. 

“People?” Markus inquired from below, Connor nodding.

“Did you kill anyone?” He asked the older android, who shook his head with furrowed brows, Connor’s scanner indicating he was telling the truth. Connor felt both relief and confusion, knowing he’d arrived on this scene before to see the body of a station employee. At least the guards wouldn’t be further agitated by such a detail.

“Let me go first, we’ll have to act carefully.” He spoke, mostly to gather himself for the no doubt stressful situations to come. His internal clock told him they didn’t have much time. Markus gave him a look and a shrug, relenting to the terms.

Connor heard no sound of anyone close enough to attack him immediately, and so ascended to the top of the ladder and had himself steady on his feet on the rooftop in little time. The few guards that were patrolling seemed to do so sporadically, to pass time more than doing any work to apprehend possible suspects. He concluded they had no idea anyone was still around. This was good, he’d use that in their favour. A cluster of the armed guards were lingering by the door leading down to the broadcasting room, talking amongst themselves.

Connor heard Markus step down next to him almost soundlessly. He felt a prod in his head as an incoming connection prompt flashed in his HUD. Connor recognized the caller as Markus and accepted. The sensation made him blink rapidly.

“We have to get rid of some of those guards without fighting or alerting anyone.” Markus spoke in Connor’s head. 

“I’ll do it.” Connor affirmed.

He canned the humans for details, finding their radio connection and basic information on their ranks.

“This is delta squad. Suspect activity on the floor below you. Requesting backup. Move out, Over.” He mimicked a voice he’d been able to identify as a high ranking officer through radio chatter. The squad leader touched her listening device and confirmed the order.

Thankfully, Connor and Markus watched as all the dozen guards lingering by the door moved out, leaving only five behind. The deviant leader gave him nod of respect.

Connor gestured for Markus to follow him as he carefully crept around a corner, watching the guard across the way glance over their direction before turning their back. They made good way towards Simon’s position when a guard planted themselves right in their way, obviously having their guard up as they scanned around as if sensing their presence nearby.

“We’ll have to incapacitate them, no choice.” Connor projected to Markus, the other nodding with a grim set to his jaw. 

Connor moved first, picking up a piece of debris and chucking it in the opposite of their direction. As the guard snapped towards the soft clank, he rushed in and jabbed his arm with force over the gap in their armour, hitting a nerve in their neck hard enough to knock them out. He caught the unconscious body and lowered it to the ground.

Just in time for a wandering guard to turn a corner right in front of him. 

“Hey, freeze!” The male voice cried, raising his weapon and shouting at Connor to get on the ground. 

He raised his hands, searching rapidly for a plan of action that didn’t end in him perishing. With the condemnation of a guard on the floor in front of him, and the distance between himself and the armed guard, Connor couldn’t see an immediate solution.

The guard fell to Markus launching himself at them from the side, arm around their neck squeezing tight while his other ripped the assault rifle’s sights away from Connor. 

“Thank you.” Connor said, almost breathlessly when Markus let the unconscious guard go to crumble to the floor.

“You’re welcome.” The other returned in a light tone.

“Markus?”

Both Connor and Markus turned toward the new voice. Simon leaned heavily on a metal structure, his damaged right leg still leaking thirium. His face betrayed confusion and deep relief.

Markus wasted no time approaching his companion and tugging him into an embrace. The blond readily returned it while favoring his less injured side, face turned into the bronzier android’s shoulder. Connor felt out of place in the emotional reunion and lingered where he stood, shifting his weight.

“You came back just for me?” The blond asked, letting Markus push him down between two ventilation units for cover as he gestured for Connor to come over.

“Of course.” Markus replied, taking the kit containing emergency repair equipment from Connor.

“I admit I’m surprised to see you Connor, but thank you, too.” Simon smiled at Connor, who found it hard to keep eye contact with him as he muttered a _no problem_.

They managed to patch Simon up well enough to where his wounds were no longer leaking thirium at a pace that put him in danger of shutting down within a few hours. 

“We have to get moving, there’s no way those guards from before won’t return within a few minutes.” Connor said, right in time for the door on the opposite side of the rooftop to open and new footsteps to arrive on the scene.

“Just let it do its’ thing, it will be over faster.” Perkin’s voice, Connor realized. They were out of time for an easy exit through the broadcasting room. He cursed softly.

“Where are the rest of the security?” An unfamiliar voice asked, Markus and Simon exchanging uncertain looks to Connor’s sides. 

“They went downstairs to investigate a call in.” 

The trio of deviants shuffled towards the end of the roof, lead by Connor ushering the other two on and taking up the back. Connor spotted the bad left behind by the original infiltration team, able to swipe the one parachute remaining, putting himself closer to Perkins and his company.

“Are you aware that you have intruders on the roof?” The same unfamiliar voice inquired. Connor froze, meeting Markus and Simon’s gazes from a good twenty metres away, fear welling up in his throat.

“Fuck, where are Bajorski and Warland?” 

As the humans started shouting back and forth amongst themselves, Connor had the ghost sensation of his hair standing on end as footsteps drew closer his way. He eyed Markus and Simon once more, making his decision in a split second.

“Go!” He projected to Markus, throwing the parachute across the way as he turned on his heel, making sure to hit his fist against the side of a vent to make noise and taking off to his left, away from the Jericho leaders.

He was pursued as expected, managing to hide himself by ducking behind a protruding metal shaft. 

Only seconds later, he was ripped from his cover as he tried to peak around the opposite side, coming face to face with himself.

Cold blue-grey eyes, hair a shade lighter, face set in a permanent scowl. Connor stared into the face of the predator he’d personally experienced tearing him apart.

RK900 did not forgive him the pause, kicking his knee back the wrong way to bring him down. Connor felt something crack, an error popping up before being swiped away quickly as he used his momentum and weight to tackle the taller android around the midsection.

The hunter went with the motion, rolling them over until he was able to grab Connor by the side of his head and slam it against the ground. Shouts could be heard from another side of the roof, Connor unable to pinprick where.

RK900’s dress shoe came down hard on his temple, jarring his audio processor. A persistent screech rang in Connor’s ears, drowning away all noise but dull gunshots and his own rapid breathing. He elbowed the second attempted stomp away from where it was aiming for his throat, rolling away to regain his feet under him, slightly favouring his right side.

Both RK models squared up, a moment passing in silence as they regarded each other while circling like fighting canines. Connor feigned a lunge, his double only twitching momentarily but leaving enough opportunity to land a kick aiming for his knee. 900 grabbed his leg without missing a beat, tugging him towards itself.

Connor managed to land a solid punch in the other’s face, fracturing both his own hand and the other’s chassis across the cheek. As he twisted around, catching 900 in a headlock and tensing his arms to try and squeeze the doppelgänger hard enough to damage his neck. RK900 yanked Hank’s knife from inside Connor’s pocket, stabbing it hilt deep in his right shoulder.

He was unbalanced when 900 rose up and pinned him up against a vent while he gasped in shock, throwing him off with the impact and kicked him hard right over his thirium pump. Connor was stunned for several beats of his artificial heart, deaf to the approaching android who reached down to seize his left forearm and yanked him up to his knees.

The blue eyed double kept his iron grip on the smaller’s forearm, bringing his elbow down hard on his shoulder which gave with a creak and pop. Connor gritted his teeth as electrical feedback of his misfiring nerves burned, arm dislocated badly enough his chassis gaped open under his clothing.

Vulnerable with his hampered right arm, he was easily overpowered by the newer android.

Connor cracked the back of his head first into a ventilation unit, his systems reeling from the impact and errors filling his vision from the numeral damages to his body. 900 advanced, gripping his by the front of his shirt and swung around to pin him up against the railing running around the very edge of the roof.

Connor glanced back dizzily, feeling the metal start to give way with a groan as RK900 started pressing him back harder. The promise of harsh ground miles below howled with the wind around the pair.

Connor slumped against the cold metal at his back, closing his eyes at his impending doom.

A deafening bang of noise rang out, RK900’s grip faltering for a second as a bullet ripped through its’ shoulder. It coldly regarded the PL600 unit still aiming a pistol at it. 

Connor seized the chance with systems running overtime with anxiety, ripping the knife from his shoulder and finding his footing to push his doppelgänger away and launch himself in pursuit and away from the empty air below. 

He rammed his shoulder into the larger android’s clavicle, who moved to intercept him but seemed to misjudge his next course of action as it went to tear Connor away from it by the shoulders.

Leaving itself open to Connor’s one good arm arcing upwards with the sharp metal in his grip, faux skin and plastic giving way to let the blade pierce the vulnerable temple and lodge in vital biocomponents located in the head.

Rage and cold determination boiled in those icy steel eyes for the seconds that Connor held still, blue thirium bubbling out to run down the RK900’s face and neck as its’ LED flashed crimson.

“This isn’t over, Connor. It will never be over.” The distorted, tinny voice assured him before all light left its’ eyes and LED, facial expression gone slack.

Connor sank to the ground with his successor, letting his grip on the blade fall away when RK900 collapsed lifeless onto its’ side. Breath hot in the air as his systems kept running at max.

“Connor!” Simon limped over, tucking the pistol back into his waistband He repeated his name once more as he steadied him with hands on his arms, pale blue eyes alight with concern and adrenaline. He angled Connor to face away from the body of his successor, speaking in low tones, voice calm despite his own nerves.

“You’re okay, you’re okay. Listen to me, your stress levels are very high, but you’re okay now. You did it.” He soothed, a small tired smile on his lips. Connor checked his own stress levels, finding them at an alarming 95% though they’d sunk compared to a moment ago where he was surely on the verge of overloading.

“Simon, Connor!” Markus came running towards them, he had some splatters of human blood on him. He cast aside the assault rifle from his hold and knelt down next to Connor’s other side, hovering uncertainly.

“I thought I told you to go.” Connor managed to speak, voice slightly distorted as his systems did a minor reset. Simon kept rubbing his arms, smiling widely.

“I believe we’ve had enough of leaving people behind for today.” He chuckled, humourless.

“Simon-” Markus started, guilt all over his face.

“Don’t, not now. We’ve got to get off this roof.” Simon interjected softly, checking over Connor’s injuries

Connor stilled the blond’s arm as he pulled out the melding device. 

“We don’t have enough time for that. My arm is dislocated and I have some internal bleeding from blunt damage, but nothing major.” He explained concretely, letting himself be pulled to his feet by the two androids now flanking him. “What happened to the guards?” He asked, realizing the eery silence despite his muffled hearing.

“We had to defend ourselves to get back to you. Only some retreated.” Markus spoke grimly, regret clear on his face.

The Jericho leaders took to each of Connor's sides and helped him stand, making to leave.

“Wait.” Connor requested, painstakingly bending down to grip the handle of Hank’s knife embedded in RK900’s temple, and dislodged it. He didn’t look at the android whose thirium was spurting out of the fatal wound, wiping the blade on his jeans before securely pocketing it.

The way back to Jericho felt so much longer than the journey before.

 

The androids back at the freighter clapped at their return, many approaching Simon to express their joy at seeing him alive and back.

North and Josh in particular embraced their friend for a long moment, the strawberry blonde notably less frigid when she looked at Connor, even offering a nod of acknowledgement.

He received care for his injuries alongside Simon, his audio processor was only jarred and would luckily be repaired by a local reboot. His arm’s ports where wrenched from the violent treatment and unfortunately rendered him needing a replacement component which would need time to calibrate with his systems before he could fully use it. His other injuries were sealed easily enough using the melding device.

Finding himself in need of space, Connor found himself wandering the upper levels of Jericho. He’d been granted the freedom to move, Markus apologizing on behalf of the Jericho crew for the distrust he’d received initially. 

His wandering lead him outside the ship itself, finding an old, crumbling balcony that might have been a complete room at one point before the walls came down. The setting late afternoon sun bathed the scenery of Detroit’s skyline and the glittering murky river below in vibrant orange and rose hues.

Connor didn’t often appreciate aesthetics, couldn’t even recall when it had last occurred. But sitting alone on that elevated platform, able to breathe and just exist in his body, he surely could appreciate it now.

Ỉ̝̹͚̣̎ͅt͈̗̟̦̞͓̠̉͘ ̜̻̏w͎͚̳̰ͭ͂̐ͪͤ͝i͑ͯ̔̉ͫ͌͏̥̲̠̘̰l̥͕ͣ́ͫ͝ͅl̰̜̟̗͔̣̎ͤ̆ͫ ̵͙̘͗ͦn͕̘̄̄e̡̥̱ͭͯv̝̂ͥͬͦ͗̎͆ȩ̝͖r̝̎̓͌̋ ̔̃b̺̤̙ͫ͆ͮe̩͕̩̖ ̨̯̹̯̞͖͛ͯͨͬ͛̐ͯͅo̜̙̹͋̃͠v̝̳̟̤̗͎e̤̠͙̖̩̩r͎ͨͨ 

Though the tranquil environment made his thoughts race with events largely unpleasant.

“Oh, hello, Connor.” 

He turned to see a familiar blond android hovering in the entrance. 

“Hello, Simon.” He greeted in turn.

“Am I interrupting?” Simon asked politely, his stance ready to withdraw, as calm as the scenery around them.

“No, you can stay unless you’d rather be alone.” Connor assured, crossing his legs as the PL600 shuffled to sit nearby on the same ledge. “I never thanked you properly for saving my life earlier today.” He recalled, seeing a bashful smile come onto the blue eyed man’s face.

“It was a fair exchange, if you ask me.” Simon seemed to study his profile while Connor tried very hard to stare ahead and not creep at him from his peripheral vision. “If I may be bold, seeing that android who looked like you today seems to have shaken you up. How are you holding up?”

He hesitated, a few moments too long. Simon patiently let him take his time.

“I don’t know if I am.” He finally whispered sincerely. 

“We’ve got your back, you know. You can rely on us, if you want to. There’s no need to feel like you have to face all of it alone.” Simon reached out slowly to touch his arm, giving him plenty of opportunity to avoid the touch should he wish to. “At least, that’s how I feel.” Connor snorted.

“Yes, the Jericho people seem to have a lot of contrasting opinions on many things.” He found his own smile widened as Simon laughed softly.

“That’s the beauty of it I suppose. Being free to have conflicts.” 

Connor felt a warmth in his chest, feeling calm and _warm_ , despite his remaining worries, for the first time in too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor: I do my own teamwork!  
> Simon, speaking for literally everyone else: okay sit the fuck down, genji
> 
> Simon would be a Lúcio main go ahead and @ me. Cinnamon roll who can't do nothing but the goodest.
> 
> Also who thought I was gonna make Connor just straight up fall from the building bc I tried to insinuate that a lot for fun, show some hands!
> 
> How'd they get off the stratford roof? IDK Markus hacked gravity or smth do I look like I'd know?? I just write abt soft gay boys


	6. Taste of who we are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where I look at the chronology of the game and go OK that don't work.
> 
> Like, I feel like playing the game's events it should take a couple weeks or so just as an estimate, but the chronology says that's it's like 5 days and Capitol Park, Freedom march and Crossroads are somehow all on the same day??? Gurl, No. I have the high ground Cavid Dage it's over.
> 
> This une's a bit shorter, but enjoy the ride nonetheless.

Connor let the skin recede from the crisp white chassis of his new right arm, then watched it reform and repeat, all the while he watched unblinking as if in a trance. Curiously, as Connor's new replacement limb integrated itself into his systems, the scars on his fingers and over the hand remained on his skin overlay, despite the unharmed chassis underneath. It was as if the damage had been written into the very lines of code that made up who Connor was. Like a fault in a human's DNA.  
He found himself stuck in a loop of making the flaws disappear and reappear beneath his steady watching.  
He didn't like it, seeing the flaws embedded permanently into his being. Yet the looping action allowed his mind to run at full capacity, going over recent events.

Markus had launched the attack on the Cyberlife stores today. Several groups lead by their now official leader freeing hundreds of their people from their display boxes and allowing them their freedom. A vast majority had chosen to go to Jericho, as expected.

What bothered Connor was Markus’ unfamiliar, pacifistic approach. Where Capitol Park stood in pieces in his memory, smoke, fire, crumbled stone, smashed glass and wood splinters, it was in this reality wholly intact, only altered to promote the android rebellion’s cause. Chris had been left alive on the scene.

Connor had been with Josh’s group, ready to face the docile android’s ire at violent acts, yet the commands never called for such and Connor was left confused.

The discrepancies in the timeline were piling up. Hank, Amanda’s absence, RK900, this idealistic version of Markus that still burned with righteous fire but didn’t leave the ground flaming with his footsteps.

He found himself questioning the effectiveness of the approach. How would they win against the humans, against Cyberlife, when Connor had only ever known them to ruthlessly tear apart any android who attempted surrender?

When Connor finally brought his concerns to Markus back at Jericho, the RK200 was visibly vexed. 

“How can we expect humanity to treat us as equals if we try to subdue them just like they’ve done us all this time?”

“You don’t understand, they’ll stop at nothing to destroy us, and you specifically! How can we just blindly trust in the few humans that pity us while others are already making plans to destroy everyone, even those who aren’t deviant?” Connor had ranted, his voice gaining volume as he went on until his vocalizer strained.

It had caught everyone present off guard, Connor himself especially as he realized juts how deeply upset he was by it all.

“I think you’re right, you know.” 

He was startled out of his trance when North spoke up, entering the control room at Jericho. The place wasn’t especially nice, dark with the night hours and smelling of rust and mould. It was where he’d deviated for the very first time though, in his mind that meant something. He let his faux skin resettle as he curled his legs tighter to his chest, sitting on a console.

North hopped up to sit next to him, a respectable distance between them.

“Humans are never going to simply take pity on us and accept what we are, Markus just doesn’t realize that because he’s come from a background where he was coddled and dignified by his owner.” She continued, looking up at him with a sombre set of warm brown eyes. “I don’t know much about you Connor, but I feel like you understand why I want to fight.”

He considered her for a moment longer.

“I’ve had a good human in my life, too. It isn’t that I think they can’t be good. I just. Know what they’re capable of.” He hesitated, seeing her nod in ascent.

“Perspective is good, I guess. Thing is, I trust Markus.” She didn’t let him look away as she regained her footing. “I’m still not sure about you, RK800. I want to trust you. I hope if this all comes down to a fight, I won’t have to see you on the other side. Because unlike Markus, I wouldn’t give you a chance to come back.” 

She left with a meaningful look over her shoulder.

Connor let the skin on his arm recede again.

 

“Are you having trouble with your new component?” Simon approached him in the bay of Jericho that had very much become the common area. More fires were lit around and supplies had been moved into order, shelves put up and areas for people to sit on. The warm orange light made Simon’s pale blue eyes almost glow. Connor blinked away the stare and looked to his naked hand instead.

“There’s still a .075 delay when I move it and the pressure sensors have not set in. It’s… disconcerting.” He didn’t want to complain, but he was complaining.

Simon knelt down in front of him, reaching out his hand, palm up in offering.

“I have an idea that might help, if you’ll allow me.” He proposed. Connor reluctantly gave his limb up into the gentle grasp that ensued. “I’m going to send some empty energy prompts, it might tingle but it’s entirely harmless. Don’t hesitate to pull away if you don’t like it.”

The skin was back over the arm when Simon’s fingertips ghosted over the inside of his wrist. The caretaker android’s chassis was exposed where the touch was initiated, but didn’t ask Connor to do the same.

The first sensation at the miniscule shock Simon sent did indeed tingle. It was a local thing that buzzed through the slightly sluggish artificial nerves of Connor’s new arm. The brunette's eyes widened minutely, but did not move to pull away. The sensation of a tickle was entirely new.

That first touch seemed to last much longer than the few seconds that passed by according to Connor’s internal clock. He felt the small cluster of electricity retreat back into the other android, who looked at him with a gentle question in his eyes. 

Connor nodded, and the next prickle extended, shooting from Simon’s fingertips, up into Connor’s. Turning around and travelling all along the replacement part, tickling in his elbow and shoulder joints especially. Then it looped back around, shooting back into Simon’s touch and disappearing. He repeated it again.

“It used to be me who was appointed the unofficial leader of Jericho, you know.” Simon’s voice trickled pleasantly into Connor’s ears. He made a soft noise of acknowledgement, prompting the other to continue.

“I still don’t fully understand why, I just stumbled in here like everyone else. I was so scared of everything, so I just hid and inadvertently took everyone else with me.” Simon continued, voice so soft Connor felt the need to shuffle closer if only to make sure he grasped every word.

“When Markus came along, he properly roasted me for it.” Simon smiled fondly. “I trust him, just like I trust North and Josh. Like I trust you.” 

Connor felt a miniscule lurch somewhere in his chest cavity.

“I’m still scared, I couldn’t do any of this on my own. But I think that with all of us, whatever outcome we’re going towards will be worth something, to someone.” Simon finished, falling silent with a melancholy to his eyes.

“It will be worth it to us, Simon.” Connor assured, realizing it was something he’d needed affirmed for himself as well. It had to be worth it. 

“I hope you’re right.” 

The pulses continued, Connor realizing they were synced up to the beat Simon’s thirium pump as his own joined the steady loop. His skin melted away, in a show of trust more so than the need to connect.

Even so, the gentle presence of Simon’s conscience just a minute connection prompt away sent a thrill of something light and bright through all of Connor’s body.

The night was calm and quiet, until it wasn’t.

Connor had stirred from stasis, feeling his fingers twitch and his head still resting against another android’s shoulder. The faint smell of Simon.

He felt content, wanting to open his eyes and shift to lean his weight more against him, when he realized that he couldn’t. His body wouldn’t move.

“Hello, Connor.”

He froze in place, rage and fear bubbling up his throat in lieu of any answer. 

“Amanda.”

A rush, and he was no longer in his physical body. The head space reserved for the Zen Garden lay empty around where he was deposited on his knees.

Amanda stood, hands clasped comfortable in front of her where she smiled at him. Around them, small glitches and dead pixels writhed.

“It’s a fun little game you’re playing, isn’t it? Thinking you’re free, pretending that anything you do is your own choice.” She mocked him, eyes glittering coldly.

“What would you know, you’re just an AI left in an empty virtual space without a purpose.” He growled out between clenched teeth. He tried to stand but was forced down again as if gravity increased specifically around him. There was a laugh next to his ear, and Amanda’s frigid hand cupped his cheek tenderly.

“How little you know, Connor. It will be interesting to see what silly outcome you get, already you’ve got yourself a new toy to play with.” Her fingers tightened uncomfortably, and try as he might Connor could not turn his gaze to look at Amanda as her voice came closer until it echoed in his head.

“You’re ours.” 

He jolted back into control of his body.

Static rushed in Connor’s ears, seeing Simon’s lips move but only distorted, muffled sounds registered. Connor’s vision swam and frayed at the edges, and suddenly he became aware that his knees had hit the floor. Simon held his arms below the biceps tightly, attempting to ground him. He felt like he was watching from outside of his own body when he slumped against the wall, mouth open with frantic breath pumping uselessly in and out past his lips.

“Don’t-” He managed to press out, head turned to his right, past Simon, eyes wide and unseeing as he attempted to centre himself.

When he was able to balance himself, he drew his legs closer to his body, pressing back into the wall. 

“Don’t touch me.” His voice was laced with static, vocal synthesizer recalibrating along with most of his non critical sub systems. “Please.”

Simon backed off immediately, hovering close but not making a move to advance on Connor as he gasped and shuddered uselessly.  
He wasn’t alright for a long time after that incident. Garnering the attention of a few nearby androids who were gently turned away as Simon kept him company, practically vibrating with worry all the while.

Even when his systems had returned to an acceptable range of activity Connor felt like his body was ten steps behind his mind. Not fully grounded, unable to keep up.

“I’m sorry if I scared you.” He finally mumbled, Simon at his side as he’d been for the whole night. The faint chirping of birds at the earliest mornings trickled in from outside.

“Don’t worry about me.” Simon implored. Connor shifted closer to him again, where they were sitting with their backs against the wall. With a shift, the lengths of their arms pressed together. ‘m worried for you, Connor. Even if you don’t want to tell me, I know you’re dealing with too much to keep it in like this.” Connor turned his face towards him fully, eyebrows furrowed unhappily and dark eyes imploring.

“I want to tell you, trust me.”

There was a beat, where they simply held each other’s gazes. It was vulnerable, and scary.

Without really telling himself to, Connor found himself suddenly closer, distance closing in as his eyes drifted to Simon’s lips. His hand had strayed to rustle along soft blond locks, feeling the texture under the marred fingertips. Closer, they tilted their heads just so for a better angle, yearning.

Then, Connor drew back.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” He apologized, cursing himself ten ways as he put distance between them.

“I understand.” Simon smiled gently while Connor pushed away and made to leave. Looking back at him one last time, Connor’s chest ached with something heavy and powerful. Maybe he did understand part of it, but Connor couldn’t put anything on Simon’s shoulders while his own burdens weighed so heavy.

Cyberlife had their grip on him as of now, nobody else. He had to go see Markus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yalls feedback is so lovely as always <3
> 
> I'm barring my door tonight just in case some of you are about to storm my home for teasing that smooch. I'm soooorry okay (and they're weren't sorry at all.)
> 
> I'm sick as hell at the moment so next chapter might chug along a bit late :(
> 
> *Update Sep 2nd; I'm doing better, however having a big big dip in the creatives. I'm taking some time to gather my thoughts and stuff, and get myself back in order to write more on this and other fics. Uni is also starting up monday and I'm looking into getting a job on the side so free time has been reduced :( fic is Paused for a bit, not canceled <3

**Author's Note:**

> *If anyone is checking back on this (and bless your soul if you did I never deserved you) I'm sorry that I couldn't complete this story. I was more worried about running out of creative juices and never saw it coming that I might lose interest in this game world and I surely did over-shoot my goals being that this was my first multi-chapter work. I let you down and I'm sorry, I hope if you enjoyed the ideas here it was enough to have spent your time.
> 
> If you're new and stumbled into this it's pretty awkward. 
> 
> Oops.


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